he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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