It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sober January is a disaster.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
