Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
