You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
