highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
