Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My penis needs a shock collar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
