We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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