So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
