DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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