I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Screwed.edu
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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