Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
