At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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