he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
