he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize