The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
