What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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