I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
