She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
