I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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