I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As shirtless as possible
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
