didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
