I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
