you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
