Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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