At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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