What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
two words: eviction party
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize