The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And then he peed in my hair
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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