He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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