Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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