If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
