I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize