like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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