This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
