Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
