got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
