I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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