She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
