those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
