how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
