Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
