Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
