i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
