Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
