That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
