Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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