the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
