I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
