I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
