I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
