just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize