Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
