I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
