Is it because I queefed?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
