I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
