If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
