Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize