You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A bitchslap is in order.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
