I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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