Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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