saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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