Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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