I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
two words...techno handjob
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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