my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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