Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
