He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
