She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I supernannyed him into submission
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
