She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize