I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
