normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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