I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
