And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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