Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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