I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
