I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
