he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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