I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
