I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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