he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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