this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
