the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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