I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Mom said you looked used
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
