"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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