I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
