I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
