There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
