Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
