nut hugger
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
