they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They took my balls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
