Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
