Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As shirtless as possible
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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