i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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