You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize