i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
