Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
