Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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