I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I look better un-naked...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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