Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
