I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize