just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
