just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
