I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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