I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
