Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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