i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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