Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize