Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
