after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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