So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
